My kids are still pretty little – at almost 1 and almost 2 and a half (where does the time go?), bedtime is not near the battle as I have heard it can be. But still, it is a lot of work. Making a bottle for one, brushing teeth for the other, wrangling squirmy arms into pajamas and sleep sacks, reading “just another one” when we say “Ok, last story!” But far outweighing the list of bedtime chores, it is a sweet, quiet time to connect with my kids.
And it’s the one part of the day I feel most guilty when I miss.
As a full-time working mom, I really only get to see my kids awake from 6–6:30 a.m. and from 5:30–7:30 p.m. on weekdays. And from time-to-time, my job keeps me out at events until 9 or 10 at night. In those moments, even though I really am so grateful to have a job I love, that little voice in my head whispers, “I’m missing bedtime for this.” Cue the crushing guilt.
Why does missing bedtime feel so heavy?
There’s something about that final chapter of the day that feels sacred. Maybe it’s because bedtime is often one of the only uninterrupted times we have with our kids. No phones. No work emails. No to-do lists. It’s cozy and snuggly and peaceful.
Missing it feels like we’re missing out on a connection. And then that guilt snowballs into bigger thoughts: Am I not present enough? Am I working too much? Will they remember this? Will I regret not choosing to be home more?
The truth about bedtime guilt.
Here’s the thing we need to remind ourselves: We’re doing our best. And missing a bedtime here and there doesn’t erase the love and connection we have with our kids. They feel our love in a million other ways — throughout the day, the week, the month.
Kids are resilient and adaptable. Will they remember the one night you missed bedtime because you were traveling for work? Probably not. But they will remember how loved they felt every other time you were there. And sometimes, life just requires us to be somewhere else. That’s okay. And, honestly, it’s JUST bedtime. Logically, it is no different in terms of quality time than any other window of time!
Making up for missed bedtimes.
If you’re feeling guilty about missing bedtime (and let’s be real, you probably will at some point), there are so many ways to make up for it. Try to carve out a little extra time in the morning to snuggle. Or have a special breakfast together on a Saturday morning. Create those moments when you can be present, because it’s not always about the nighttime routine — it’s about the quality of time you’re spending together, no matter when that is.
Give yourself a break, Mom.
At the end of the day, what our kids (and partners) need most is a happy, healthy, and balanced mom. Sometimes that means choosing yourself – choosing to seize a work opportunity, to go out with friends, or just have a quiet night where you’re not doing the 17-step bedtime routine.
Odds are, you’re doing your best. And that’s more than enough.
, there are so many ways to make up for it.){kind=link}