Losing a loved one is one of the hardest things a family can face, and when you’re grieving yourself, it can feel overwhelming to also help your children navigate their emotions. My grandpa recently passed away, and my older kids, who are 8 and 6, have been having a hard time processing the news. He was such a big presence in our lives – always ready with a warm hug, a silly joke or a story about “the good old days.” His absence feels enormous, and as I try to be strong for my kids, I’m also grappling with my own grief.
Here are some ways I’ve been helping my children – and myself – through this difficult time:
Be Honest, Yet Gentle
Children need clarity, but how much detail you share will depend on their age. For older kids, like an 8- or 6-year-old, it’s okay to use clear, age-appropriate language about death. Avoid euphemisms like “Grandpa went to sleep,” which can confuse or even scare them. Instead, gently explain that Grandpa’s body stopped working and he has passed away. Reassure them that they are safe and loved.
Create Space for Their Feelings
Grief can bring out a range of emotions in children – sadness, anger, confusion or even guilt. Let them know it’s okay to feel whatever they’re feeling and encourage them to talk about it. For kids who struggle to articulate their emotions, drawing pictures, writing letters to Grandpa or creating a memory box can be therapeutic.
Share Your Grief, Too
As parents, we often feel the need to be strong, but it’s also important to show your children that it’s okay to grieve. Letting them see you cry or talk about your sadness helps normalize their feelings. You can say something like, “I miss Grandpa, too, and it’s okay to feel sad about it.”
Stick to Routines
During times of loss, maintaining familiar routines can help provide a sense of stability. School, bedtime and even fun activities can serve as a comforting anchor for kids when their world feels uncertain.
Remember the Good Times
Talk about Grandpa in positive ways. Share funny stories, look at pictures or talk about what made him special. These moments help keep his memory alive and give kids a way to channel their grief into gratitude for the time they had with him.
Address Their Fears
Children may worry about other loved ones dying or feel anxious about their own safety. Answer their questions honestly but with reassurance. You might say, “Most people live a very long time, and we do everything we can to stay healthy and safe.”
Seek Support If Needed
If your kids are struggling deeply or their grief doesn’t seem to ease over time, consider talking to a grief counselor who specializes in working with children. Sometimes, having a neutral party can help them process feelings they might not want to share at home.
Grieving as a family is a journey, but it’s also an opportunity to grow closer. By offering love, patience and honesty, you can help your children – and yourself – heal. Remember, you don’t have to do it all alone; lean on friends, family or community resources for support.
You’re doing an amazing job navigating this tough time. Be kind to yourself, and know that it’s okay to grieve in your own way, too.