As a mom, there’s an unspoken expectation that you should be able to juggle everything – work, home, and kids – seamlessly. But what happens when consistent childcare support, especially from grandparents or close family, isn’t part of your reality?
For many of us, this is a daily challenge that brings both frustration and guilt.
Recently, our family was invited to an out-of-state wedding. While we were grateful that our children were included on the guest list, it also brought up a familiar dilemma. If our kids hadn’t been invited, I would have had to stay home with them while my husband went to the wedding alone. The thought of missing out on a rare opportunity to celebrate with friends was disappointing, but the idea of leaving our kids with a sitter or someone we’re less familiar with was also stressful.
In the end, we took the kids with us. They had a blast, and we still had a great time. But if I’m being honest, a part of me wished we could have enjoyed the wedding as a couple, without the constant worry of keeping the kids entertained and well-behaved. I felt a twinge of guilt for even thinking that way – after all, isn’t this what being a mom is all about? Shouldn’t I be grateful to have my children with me, especially when so many others might not have that option?
These conflicting emotions are all too common for moms who don’t have regular help with childcare.
On one hand, we love our kids more than anything and want to include them in our lives as much as possible. On the other hand, we crave moments of adult interaction and the freedom to enjoy an event or a night out without the responsibilities of parenting.
I’ve learned that it’s okay to feel both. It’s okay to wish for a break, to dream of a weekend away with your husband, or even just a quiet dinner where you can focus on each other without interruptions. It doesn’t make you a bad mom. In fact, recognizing that you need time to recharge is a sign of self-awareness and a commitment to being the best parent you can be.
So, what’s the solution when consistent help isn’t available? It might mean getting creative with childcare – swapping babysitting duties with a friend, hiring a trusted sitter for a few hours, or even planning kid-friendly events where the adults can still have some fun. It might also mean having open conversations with your partner about the need for shared responsibilities and finding ways to carve out those precious moments together.
At the end of the day, being a mom is about doing the best you can with the resources you have. And while it’s not always easy, it’s important to remember that it’s okay to seek balance between caring for your family and taking care of yourself.
