I will preface all this by saying, I love being a mom. It’s the most fulfilling, challenging, and rewarding job I’ve ever had. But can I be honest? I don’t want to be “just” a mom.
For a long time, I thought this made me a bad mom. Shouldn’t motherhood be all-consuming? Shouldn’t I feel completely fulfilled just by being there for my kids? But the truth is, I don’t. And that’s okay.
The Pressure to Be “Mom” All the Time
Society, especially in the conservative pocket of Ohio where I was raised, often pushes the idea that motherhood should define young women. From the moment you announce your pregnancy, it’s like you’re handed this invisible “Mom” label, and suddenly, everything about you is supposed to revolve around your kids. Don’t get me wrong — I adore my children. But I’m also still me. A woman who loves craft beer bars, going to the theatre, and killing it at my day job.
It took me a while to realize that it’s okay to want more — or, rather, to want what you want without having to explain yourself or apologize for not fitting into someone else’s view of what motherhood should look like. It is ok to want to hold on to the parts of myself that existed before I became a mom. And more importantly, that wanting those things certainly doesn’t mean I love my kids any less.
The Guilt of Wanting More
There’s this sneaky little thing called “mom guilt” that loves to creep in whenever I think about doing something just for myself. Whether it’s taking a solo trip to New York, going to a barre class on a Saturday morning, or even just enjoying a quiet cup of coffee without little hands tugging at me, the guilt can be overwhelming. But I’ve learned that taking care of myself isn’t selfish — it’s necessary. It is also my prerogative.
When I take time to nurture the other parts of me, I’m a better mom. I’m more patient, more present, and more fulfilled. My kids get to see a mom who is happy, balanced, and thriving — not just surviving. And that’s a powerful lesson to teach them.
Redefining Motherhood
So, what happens when you don’t let motherhood be your only identity? You rediscover yourself. You find out what makes you tick beyond the role of mom. You realize that your passions, dreams, and interests matter postpartum as much as they ever did before you got pregnant. And you start to embrace the fact that being a mom is just one part of who you are — not the entirety of your existence.
Motherhood is fantastic, but it doesn’t have to be all-consuming. You’re allowed to define yourself beyond it. And when you do, you might just find that you’re an even better mom because of it.