As moms, we pour so much of ourselves into our kids that it’s easy to lose sight of who we are outside of motherhood. We spend years in the thick of diapers, school pick-ups, playdates and meal planning. But somewhere along the way, many of us start to wonder, “Who am I when I’m not being Mom?”
I’m almost eight years into motherhood, and it’s only been in the past year that I’ve started to feel like myself again. I’ve rediscovered things that make me me – working out, reading for fun, watching my own TV shows – and it’s been incredibly refreshing. For those of you who might be in the thick of it, unsure of how to reclaim a sense of identity outside of motherhood, I want to share what’s worked for me.
1. Carve Out Time for Yourself
This is probably the hardest, but most important, step. You have to give yourself permission to carve out time for you. Whether it’s waking up 30 minutes earlier to read a chapter of a book, squeezing in a workout after school drop-off, or taking an evening for yourself to watch your favorite show, prioritizing “me time” is essential.
Start small. Maybe it’s just 10 minutes of quiet time to meditate or a short walk around the block. Once you make self-care a regular part of your routine, you’ll begin to feel more balanced.
2. Pursue Your Own Interests
What did you enjoy before becoming a mom? Whether it’s reading, painting, crafting or taking up a hobby you’ve always wanted to try, rediscovering your passions can do wonders for your sense of self. For me, diving back into reading for fun (new Colleen Hoover groupie, here) has been a joyful escape. When you nurture your interests, you remind yourself that you’re still an individual with unique needs and desires, not just a caregiver.
3. Reconnect with Old Friends or Make New Ones
Motherhood can sometimes feel isolating, especially if your social circle revolves mostly around your kids’ activities. Take the time to reconnect with old friends who knew you before you were a mom, or make an effort to meet new people through shared interests. Building relationships that have nothing to do with parenting can remind you of the person you are outside of being “Mom.”
4. Set Boundaries
It’s easy to feel like you need to be available 24/7 for your kids, but setting boundaries around your personal time is crucial. It’s okay to say no sometimes – whether that’s turning down an extra volunteer role at school or teaching your kids to entertain themselves while you take a break. Your well-being matters, and protecting your time will help you maintain a sense of self.
5. Celebrate the Small Wins
Rediscovering your identity doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a journey, and there will be times when you feel like you’re balancing everything well and others when it feels impossible. Celebrate the small wins. A finished book, a workout you managed to squeeze in, or a quiet cup of coffee alone – all of these moments are victories.
Remember, you’re not just a mom – you’re you. It’s okay to prioritize yourself. In fact, it’s necessary. When you take care of your own well-being and identity, you’re better able to show up as the mom you want to be.
