Parenting takes a village. I’ve heard that phrase for as long as I can remember – from older cousins, from friends, from moms on the internet.
The phrase “It takes a village to raise a child” originates from African proverbs and teachings and conveys the message that it takes many people (your “village”) to provide a safe, healthy environment for children. This requires a network of support where multiple people (the “villagers”) including parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, extended family members, neighbors, teachers, professionals, community members and policy makers, care for a child. These villagers help both the child and the parents as well, providing physical assistance as well as emotional support.
Sounds nice, doesn’t it?
So, what happens when you find yourself village-less?
For some of us, geography keeps us from our immediate family – maybe you’re here in the Cincinnati area and your parents or extended family live on the other side of the country. Or, maybe you’ve struggled to find the “mom friends” that seem to come so effortlessly to others. For you moms dealing with difficult family situations that leave you feeling lost – I see you! Whatever has brought you to this place of feeling unsupported and without a safety net, let me acknowledge that it (to put it bluntly) sucks.
So, short of hiring a whole team of helpers (a mom can dream), here’s what’s been working for me:
Finding My Chosen Family
Friendships and communities can often fill the void left by family. Whether it’s a close circle of friends, a support group, or a community organization, these connections can provide emotional and practical support. Invest time in nurturing these relationships. Show up for others and allow them to show up for you; slowly but surely you’ll build a network that feels like home.
Focusing on Self-Reliance
While it’s essential to seek out support, building self-reliance is equally important. Develop daily practices that reinforce your emotional resilience, such as journaling, meditation, exercise, or creative activities. Lean into your partner if you have one and take actionable steps to strengthen your core family unit. These habits can help ground you and provide an inner sense of stability when external support is limited.
Setting Boundaries and Practicing Acceptance
It’s important to recognize what is and isn’t within your control. If family relationships are strained, setting clear boundaries can protect your emotional well-being. Additionally, practicing acceptance — acknowledging the reality without surrendering hope for change — can help reduce stress and foster personal peace.
Being Open to New Definitions of Family
Over time, allow your understanding of family to evolve. Villages don’t always fit traditional molds. You might find that your closest bonds are with people you least expected — a mentor, a neighbor, or a coworker. Cherish those connections and be open to the unexpected ways they may enrich your life.
That elusive village is within your reach. Finding your parenting village is about more than just convenience; it’s about creating a network that offers mutual support, understanding, and joy during one of life’s most demanding roles. With an open heart and consistent effort, you’ll discover that there are many parents out there who share your experiences, challenges, and triumphs. Building these connections can enrich not only your life but also the lives of your children, making the journey of parenthood a truly shared adventure.
