Being Motherless on Mother’s Day

My Mom died on December 16, 2007 after a long battle with complications from diabetes. She was so young, only 47. Even though it has been almost 12 years (wow), I still struggle with the fact that I’m motherless on Mother’s Day. Here are some of the reasons why.  

Being a Mom without a Mom is HARD

I remember when my daughter was first born, how scared I was. I was so anxious about messing up my new bundle of joy. When she had her first fever, I wanted to call my Mom. When she wouldn’t stop crying after I tried everything, I wanted my Mom. Question after question filled my brain. How in the world did YOU do this, Mom? 

As my daughter grew and overcame milestones – I wanted her there. My heart ached in the big moments and in the simple moments. From her first whole day without a diaper to her birthday parties to a sunny day at the park. It was hard not having her there. She was missing everything. 

Being Around Moms who have Moms 

Sometimes, I get jealous. I get mad. I wonder why I lost my Mom so soon. It is not fair. When I’m out and about shopping, I see families enjoying time together and I envy them. I miss the talks. I miss the connection. I miss her voice. I see other mothers sharing a special moment, and my heart feels like it could burst into a million pieces. I scroll past social media posts of moms going out to lunch, hanging out… being with each other. It stinks. 

Mother’s Day is Hard

It’s the one day a year where we are showered with cards, love, flowers and attention. I remember vividly sitting in one of my favorite restaurants on Mother’s Day, smiling, having a good time. Then, it hit me like a brick. I felt guilty. I should be remembering her right now. I became overwhelmed with emotions and mentally, I wasn’t present in the moment.

Letter To My Mom

Mom, 

I miss you so much it aches. I look at my daughter, I see so much of you in her. I see her learning and growing, wishing you were here to see it. The funny things she says now, man. So sassy! I know you would have spoiled her with love and affection. I walk in my day-to-day life feeling like a hot mess half the time. I wonder if I do this mom thing the right way. I do know one thing, I’ll leave a legacy to my little girl… like you left ME. I got this. No worries, I show her every Disney movie for you.  Love you mom <3 Melissa

If you lost your mom not long ago or years ago… I see you. I feel your pain. Thinking of all of you mommies on Mother’s Day! My hearts go out to every single one of you.