We walked through the mall recently, and our third grader glanced at the models all over the storefront advertisements and said to us, “I’ll never be a model,” to which we replied, “Why not?”
“I’m too chubby, but I am really cute.”
“So, models have to be skinny and ugly??”
“NO! I’m just saying I’m still really cute, even though I’m a little chubby.” 😊
She was in dance for a couple years and her appetite matched the calories she burned every day. However, she took a six-month break from that and still kept eating the same way! As she began to lose her svelte dancer’s body, we tried to find ways to encourage her into healthier habits overall and explained that we just wanted her to have a long and healthy life all while still telling her how beautiful she was.
She picked out soccer as her sport for this year, and she has been so good about making healthy and portion-controlled choices. At that moment at the mall, we realized that we must be doing something right that she feels comfortable in her own skin and does not believe any girl should fit into any one physical mold.
The more I start to think about all of it, though, the more I realized that she will start experiencing early changes to her body before we know it. I’m already making her wear sports/training bras every day and put on girl’s deodorant each morning. I make her do these things, but does she understand why?
When my mother had her first period, my grandmother never talked to her about it. She just placed a box of tampons in the bathroom, told her to read the directions, and my mom figured it all out by herself from there. Then, I ended up with a similar experience in my transition years. I plucked my own eyebrows myself at 13 with no guidance. I shaved by myself with no one to walk me through the best way. I just figured it out.
Then, I ran into a friend I hadn’t seen in a couple of years while at Target the other day and her daughter is 11. My fellow mommy told me that the changes all happened so quickly, and she didn’t want to continue the cycle we both had experienced as young women. She recommended a book by the American Girl company that had been referred to her when her own daughter turned 9. She said it was an incredible tool for her these past couple years and especially when her daughter started her period very early. It was called The Care & Keeping of YOU and discusses in a wonderful way all the self-care and understanding of body changes every young girl should know as they transition through those difficult years.
I ordered my own copy before I even left Target that day. When it arrived, I combed through it myself first, immediately wished I had been able to read the book when I was 9 and 10, and then got really excited to share it with my own little girl. Just the fact that it was from the American Girl Doll company made her incredibly interested to read it more.
PBS also shared some great tips for empowering young girls in their Parenting section. Here’s a few of them paraphrased that I really liked:
- Encourage her to pursue a passion
- Give her a voice
- Explain the values of your family and the reasoning behind those values
- Encourage problem-solving vs. jumping in all the time to save the day
- Let her take physical risks (within reason)
- Get her working together with other girls
- Let your daughter know that you love HER because of who she is on the inside
- Let her stand up for herself but do it with respect
- Make time to talk to her and truly LISTEN
- Limit exposure to the media while still young
- Explain the difference between sex and love in the movies and in real-life
- Acknowledge what she goes through while offering guidance and perspective
- Most of all, ENJOY HER!
Time goes by too quickly and we all want the best for our little girls.
What ways have you found support?
What help were you given on the transition to womanhood (yours or your daughter’s)?
