Many of us have a critical parenting voice running through our minds.
I wish I was that kind of mom.
Why am I not good at that?
How does she do it all?
My disapproving inner voice wonders why I’m not the chill mom, the fun mom, the working mom, the mom with half a dozen kids, the fit mom, or the no-yell, gentle-parenting mom.
Why can’t I tolerate more chaos? Why can’t I imagine having more than two kids? Why do I not embrace pretend play?
Before I had kids, I thought I would be and do all these things (and more!).
I was drawn to crouching on the floor in animated play with my friends’ kids and snuggling on the couch for hours with a new baby. I kept my cool in moments of frustration and never raised my voice.
Then I became a mom. This role fulfilled years of yearning for those sweet moments with my own children. But it also revealed my limitations.
Loud noises and clutter overwhelm me. I’m not the best pretend playmate. I get angry and even occasionally yell from a place inside that I never knew existed. I don’t excel at sewing. I don’t do all the voices at storytime. I sometimes lose my cool and raise my voice. I can’t handle five kids of my own.
Dwelling beneath this pile of shortcomings feels like failure. But recently a mom friend suggested a wiser, kinder narrative, one that affirms instead of tears down, just like the encouragement from a good friend:
“I am the mom who (fill in the strength).”
I am the mom who bakes cookies with my kids. I am the mom who can fashion a multitude of kid crafts with a little cardboard, paint, pipe cleaners and hot glue. I am the mom who delights in the magic of the library and reading with my kids. I am the mom who apologizes, holds them close, and tells them how much I love them.
To be clear, this is not an exercise in comparison or striving for perfection. Too often, “I’m not good at” becomes “I’m not good enough.” That’s a lie we tell ourselves.
We all have our strengths and limitations – a truth we try to model to our kids but don’t always allow grace for ourselves. Rather than wallowing in those limitations, what if we leveraged and celebrated our strengths? Our village – spouses, teachers, friends, grandparents, coaches – will help fill in gaps where we don’t excel.
In fact, once you learn your cousin Susie can sew, call her up for help! And send me her number.
We may be able to improve and grow in some areas (as I’m trying to do with my patience muscle), but we don’t have to be great at all of it. We have to know and own our innate personality traits and limitations.
Now, it’s your turn. Let’s change the narrative. Are you the mom who provides financially for her children? Are you the mom who decorates extraordinary cakes? Are you the mom who is a fierce advocate for her child’s special needs?
“I am the mom who (fill in YOUR strength).” Tell us below!
