Oh, the magic of the holiday season! The twinkling lights, the peppermint mocha lattes, the cherry-red cheeks of littles playing in the snow (you know, when we have snow)…it all makes my heart happy. For a little holiday fun, I have painstakingly scoured the internet to find things that you definitely DON’T want for Christmas. Enjoy!
Bikini Scarf
FINALLY! A scarf that accurately depicts what post-pregnancy boobs look like!
Preserve Your Breast Milk in a Locket Kit
Wait…What?! I’m pretty sure that the memory of my teething 4-month-old latched on to my boob preserves the experience enough for me, thank you.
The Emergency Bra
Yes, it is very possible that you will need this on any given day. Actually, no. No you won’t.
Photo Tissue Box
Think about seeing this in the middle of the night when you have a cold…
Baby Lasso
You may have already seen this floating around the internet, but it’s so ridiculous that it warrants a mention on this list. Can you even imagine strapping two direct weapons onto your chest?
Runny Nose Shower Gel Dispenser
Just what every mom wants! More bodily fluids smeared onto her body! Even if they are simulated bodily fluids…no thanks.
Beach Snuggies
No comment.
Handerpants
We love forcing little, slithering alligators (aka small children) into their undergarments so much that we want to wear some on our hands too!
Morning Chicness Bags
If you are tired of puking into regular toilets and trash cans, then these CHIC morning sickness bags are for you. If you’re a normal person, they’re not for you.
Santaur Ornament
I could be totally wrong…maybe you do want this for Christmas.
Prenatal MP3 Player
Or, you know, you could just listen to the radio. You do know your baby can hear you, right?
The Snozzie
It’s a cloth wipe that attaches to your wrist so you can quickly wipe up snot, spit-up, and drool. And then it becomes a rag full of snot and puke that is attached to you at all times. Awesome.
The Kickbee
The kickbee is a handy little device that sends a tweet every time the baby kicks. And, according to the website, you pretty much have to be reading a book in order for it to work.
WhyCry Mini Baby Cry Analyzer
The next time my baby “Bored” cries, I’m going to tell him to go find something to do so I can watch my shows.
Dr. Umbrella Wireless Baby Diaper Alarm
Not only does it notify you when your baby pees or poops (how else would we know?!), but it can be positioned in the perfect spot for your baby to take it off and pop it right in her mouth! Perfect!
I hope you all have a happy holiday with lots of laughter!
(And none of these presents.)
Bahaha, I see some FABULOUS gift ideas for the winners of our Tacky Christmas Sweater Party next year! Thanks!