As a single mother, I try to teach my child to be independently dependent and to know what’s for you during certain seasons of life. As of recently, life has changed a lot. Nevertheless, in the most eventful hood I know of, “Motherhood” things may slow down but never do they stop.
These past two years I have been forced to reset my mommy brain in the midst of raising a kid going into her preteen years.
Parenting is something you slightly study for with results that are ever-changing! However, I’m coming up with a cheat code, or to make it sound fancy “cliff notes,” for this whole operation. I’ve learned a lot during this transition and its more of a character thing than anything.
First off, check your posture.
We have never been anyone’s Mom before. To my lovelies with multiple children ranging in age, you have never parented the same child twice (even with identical twins). So come into this experience open and give yourself grace! There is room for error and once you make that mistake, clean it up and try again until you find what works for you and yours! As women, we compare ourselves a lot to family, friends, and sometimes celebrities we don’t personally know. We have to stop with the madness and know that we are equipped with what we need to raise our child(ren). For the ones like myself doing it alone, can I tell you a secret? YOU’VE GOT THIS! Things may seem outrageously complicated but nothing lasts forever! Just as we have seasons upon the earth, the same goes in the motherhood journey! Keep the faith!
Secondly, educate yourself!
You have resources and the ability to be resourceful! My favorite resources are podcasts and coffee/wine dates with women who I simply look up to. My “fairy godmothers” usually range from women a few years older than me to the OG Mamas who once raised a whole community! There are books, life groups, YouTube, and so much more. We don’t know what we don’t know, which is okay but we must always stay open to being educated on all things mommy. I unintentionally have quarterly outings with other moms that I’ve met through work, social media, church or outings, and we do something like go pedal boating, grocery shopping, have fireside chats, etc. During these moments, I take mental notes of how these women interact with their children. I also ask questions about challenges I’m facing or recommendations on things such as camps, outings, products. I’ve learned in those moments that the world is so much bigger than it is based on different perspectives and experiences.
Lastly, you are the first teacher for your child(ren).
I hold daily office hours where my daughter and I take inventory of what’s going on and how it makes us feel. This is definitely a electronic device avoidance time to where we are doing something hands on, such as cooking, baking, or arts and crafts of some sort. To where the conversation can flow but she has my attention without the stimulation of extra sounds. Sometimes we review the prior and look at lessons learned good or bad, our moments of triumph, and some missed opportunities. We simply acknowledge and move on towards our hopes for the week to come. This not only sets goals but is also a way to teach and keep accountability. We have to treat this thing as a business. We are raising the future.
