My Precious Babies,
You are too young to understand the anger and the hurt that is gripping our city and our nation right now; you expect people to be good to you because by and large they have been. Your only consideration when choosing a friend on the playground is whether they want to run with you or go down the slide; if they are wearing a Thomas the Train shirt, that’s an added bonus. You’ve started to notice that people look different from one another, that one of your friends has “orange” hair and another has dark skin, but that’s not of any importance to you. As your brain learns to sort and categorize, no one ranks higher or lower than anyone else. You don’t think of different as scary, at least where people are concerned.
I’d like to hope that our city will be healed by the time you are old enough to understand what is happening, but I know these wounds run centuries deep and building new bridges is difficult and time-consuming work. Most likely, you’ll find yourself in a position to either be part of the problem or part of the solution, and I want you to know that we are intentionally raising you to run after things that make your world a better place. As you mature and begin to form your own opinions, here are some things I hope you keep in mind.
1. Remember what matters. When you guys fight over a toy and I take it away, what do I always say? Your brother is more important than this toy. There is nothing on earth that is worth causing a rift between you and the people you love. This principle also applies outside of our family. You may have strong political opinions, I expect you will have strong spiritual beliefs, and in general, you are all very strong-willed. None of that merits causing harm – physical, emotional, or spiritual – to another human being. If the words you choose cause other people to recoil, to feel devalued, to feel less than human, you are out of line. We are raising you to believe in a God who loves everyone; always make choices that honor His heart.
2. Remember your experiences. If you let it, the media will convince you that people with different skin tones do not get along. And yet, for quite some time we’ve gone grocery shopping at a store where we are the racial minority. Think about all the people you’ve met who have complimented your superhero costumes, helped you wrestle the cinnamon applesauce from the back of the shelf, handed you a cart to save you a few steps, and praised you for the way you treat your siblings. Can you think of a single negative experience? Neither can I. Remember the friends at church who played on the jungle gym with you. Remember your Sunday school teachers who made you feel comfortable when you didn’t know anyone in the room. Remember the friends who came to your house and invited you to theirs. Remember jumping on the trampoline, running races, eating waffles, and going on double mommy dates to preschool open houses. Your daily lives have brought you in contact with many people who don’t look like you. When the media tries to create division, throw your experience back in its face.
3. Remember that generalizations only tear people apart. “All” and “never” are rarely true. We are working on this at home right now; is it fair to say that mommy NEVER lets you have a treat just because she said “no” one time? In the same way, it is never fair to assume something about all the people who do not look like you. Statements like this come from hurting hearts, and they do not solve problems. If you find yourself starting to make generalizations about a group of people, it is time for you to start building relationships with those very people. Chances are you’ll find your opinions begin to crumble in the face of authentic truth. Yes, in your life you will meet some people who make bad decisions and do hurtful things; that behavior only reflects on that individual.
4. Remember to listen. Someday I’ll make you read To Kill a Mockingbird (because I’m an English teacher and that’s what I do), and Atticus Finch will teach Scout a lesson we all need to learn. “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view – until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” Listening gives the gift of dignity and respect. You might not agree with everything that is said. You might not understand everything that is said. Still listen. Often letting the other person be heard is more important than winning an argument; choose to give life in your relationships. Choose to close your mouth and open your ears.
5. Remember to make conscious decisions that build unity. In a crowded lunchroom, it is really easy to sit with the people who look like you, act like you, and live where you live. It isn’t always easy to step outside your comfort zone. Do it anyway. The only way our city will change is if we are intentional about becoming friends with people who are different from us. If you and your peers can be intentional about listening, appreciating, and enjoying people with different backgrounds and cultures, this city will be a much better place in twenty years.
6. Always remember that every human being on this planet is precious and valuable and worthy of love. I don’t care where they’re from, what they look like, how they dress, or how much money they have. Treat the panhandler on the street with the same dignity and respect you would give to the president. When you see injustice, speak up for those who can’t. If you’re given an advantage, use it to help those who aren’t. Be kind. You have been given an abundance of love so that you have plenty to give away.
I love all three of you so much; sometimes it breaks my heart when I look at this brokenness you have to live in. But I know this world needs courageous, kind, compassionate souls to fight for justice, to lean in when others step out. As your mama, I do the best I can to model what that looks like and apologize when I don’t. My hope and prayer is that each of you, when given the chance, will be the bridge builders and life-givers for your generation.
I hope our city will be a better place because you lived in it.
