Let me tell you a story…
A month or so ago, I got to sit in on my daughter’s preschool class when they had a special presentation (complete with puppets) to teach them about good and bad touch, stranger danger and other fun topics. Towards the end, the speaker was presenting scenarios and having the kids give a raucous NO!!! or YES!!! about whether or not a behavior was acceptable. The final scenario was the all too familiar one in which a stranger in a car pulls up and asks you to get in and help him find his lost puppy. Appropriately, all of the kids in the group yell “NO!!!” Then there is a beat of silence and my precious daughter pipes up with…
I would.
And she would. Because why wouldn’t you want to help someone find their puppy?
You know how most kids are born with some element of reserve to their personality? How most kids take some time to warm up to new people? Well, not mine. My daughters are outgoing, friendly and have never met a stranger. To a degree, I love this about them. They make people smile and don’t hesitate to try to engage and include even the shyest of children. But, obviously this extreme friendliness has its concerning side too. I have been working for a while now to try to teach my children about stranger danger, since it apparently did not come pre-wired in them. But, it is a hard concept to teach.
Take the following lesson attempt for example:
The scene is a local park, just before Easter where the girls stumbled upon a woman who was handing out cupcake eggs with treats inside them to the kids at the park. Mine of course did not hesitate to take them and then did not understand why their Dad would not let them eat the candy.
Their Dad: You can’t just take things from people you don’t know.
N: But, why not? She wanted to give them to us.
Their Dad: You don’t know her and not everyone is nice.
N: But, she was nice. She wanted to give us a present.
Their Dad: She may have been pretending to be nice when she wasn’t.
N: But, she really was nice.
See the problem?
How do you explain to your children that while 95% of people are nice and fine to talk to, that there is still that 5% who are not? There are people who want to hurt children, who don’t have good intentions. How do you teach fear without instilling it? How do you encourage caution without stifling the friendliness? Seriously… I am asking. I have yet to find any concrete answers.
So for now, if you happen to be walking down the aisles of Target or waiting for take out at Chik-fil-a and two little girls come walking up to you to tell you how much they like your shoes… just know that it is probably my kids. And we are still working on it.
I’ve felt like the new emphasis on “tricky people” vs. strangers is pretty brilliant and have been talking to my kids about that. But, the subtleties of teaching pre-schoolers and even school-age children how to recognize situations where someone might be “tricky” vs. more innocuous things . . . that’s the hard part!
http://www.checklistmommy.com/2012/02/09/tricky-people-are-the-new-strangers/
I have a similiar really vivid memory. We had “safety town” as a kid and a “stranger” came to pass out candy. I remember so clearly being offered the candy, remembering the lesson, saying no, and then the “stranger” said “are you sure?” Being the sensitive person that I am, I was absolutely devastated that I had hurt the lady’s feelings. So I took the candy, walked away, and threw it on the other side of the fence. I got in a lot of trouble for taking it and it was really kind of a traumatizing experience! So, I don’t know the answer. But, I don’t love the fake stranger thing either.
I have trouble with this too. I tell my son not to talk to strangers, but I do not want to instill the fear that everyone is out to hurt him. I don’t want him to be afraid to leave my side or to not respond in kind to friendly people with whom he comes into contact. I find it very difficult to explain the nuances between the types of stranges he may encounter. There is also the reality that, depending on the day, everyone he meets is someone he doesn’t know, therefore a stranger. And how do I explain Easter egg hunts at the park or going around the neighborhood on Halloween? I’m putting him in a position where he is coming into contact with a bunch of strangers who are talking to him and giving him things to eat — lots of mixed messages!