The moment arrives. You get that little plus sign and then come the tears, smiles, hugs, morning sickness…and advice. Family, friends, coworkers, neighbors and even the lady behind you at the grocery store all seem to have tips and tricks to share that will inevitably make your life as a parent so much easier. They all mean well, of course, and we all do it, but there definitely comes a time when each mother has to decide what advice to take and which to ignore. Some of it is very easy to ignore. I do not keep socks and/or shoes on my children at all times. Yet, I’m pretty sure I’ve been given that advice at least a half a dozen times. But other advice can lead to the ever present “mom guilt” when not followed.
My son is not the best sleeper. He never has been and maybe never will be. I spent the first year of his life asking for advice, taking unsolicited advice and googling for advice to turn my child into the champion sleeper that he was supposed to be. He was not sleeping in his crib; he wasn’t sleeping through the night. Cry it out didn’t work, the Ferber method didn’t work. So what finally did work? I stopped listening to the advice and followed my gut. I gave in to co-sleeping and started to look at the time I spent rocking him to sleep as a gift instead of torture. The stress seemed to alleviate and we were all happier.
I didn’t just stop at sleeping. Turns out, I don’t follow a lot of common parenting advice…
“Always eat dinner as a family.”
What a great thought. I’d love to sit down to a family meal every night, but that just doesn’t work for us. My daughter goes to bed early, my husband gets home later, and my son will rarely stay in his seat at the table. Dinnertime for us is often feeding the baby while cooking, eating standing up in the kitchen or even (cover your ears!) sitting on the counter! It’s chaotic, sometimes there’s yelling, always there are smiles.
“No TV until 2 years old.”
I totally get this one, and honestly wish I could follow it. BUT…I like watching TV and so do my kids. I use it more often than I like as a distraction to quickly get something done or have a moment to myself. I don’t think my kids’ brains are turning to mush, though. Mickey Mouse and Thomas the Train have taught my son to count and how to be “really useful.” Of course we love to play outside, run around and play with toys, but a show or movie now and then is not taboo for us, it’s enjoyable.
“Your kids should be at least two years apart.”
I’m SO glad I didn’t listen to this one. Our babies are 18 months apart and I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s difficult, tiring and stressful, but when is parenthood not?
“Stick to a schedule.”
I love a good schedule. I love to plan and be organized. But when I became a mother, I feel like I had to learn to be the opposite. I’ve had to be flexible and adjust my schedule based on the needs of my kids. We do have “naptimes” and “bedtimes,” but they are usually not the exact same time everyday and each day looks a little different for us. Most days, my schedule seems to be…survive the day. It’s working for us now and hopefully I’m teaching my kids to be flexible too.
The advice I’ve received as a mom, whether utilized or not, has made me a better parent for my children. I’ll continue to take advice and give it, always with a very open mind that not everything works for every family. As a mom, it’s important to know that trying advice and having it fail does not make you a failure. It makes you normal. It also will not scar your children for life. My son sleeps in his own bed now, but I still have to sit next to him until he falls asleep. He often wakes up in the middle of the night to come and snuggle with me. My advice to myself…cherish those sleepy moments, because there is really nothing better.