The internet has definitely changed how relationships look and feel. It is not uncommon to hear from someone that they met their spouse on a dating website. We often “friend” people we barely know on facebook in an effort to get to know them a little better. Even this blog, strives to be a community of mothers who can support and share with one another on a virtual playing field. But, this leaves the question… How substantial are these online relationships that we are forming? What value to they add to our lives?
My answers: more than you realize and a lot.
Several years ago, I learned that I was going to be one of the unlucky ones who was going to have trouble getting pregnant. In an effort to gain information as well as support, I joined an online community board. Initially, it was just information sharing, but eventually I stumbled upon two very specific groups of women who for whatever reason, I clicked with. We were each others sounding boards, cheerleaders, and virtual shoulders to cry on. We shared experiences, medical details and raw emotions. I was more honest with these women than I was with most of my “real life” friends because they understood me and what I was going through.
As time went on (thankfully all of our individual journeys eventually blessed all of us with children), we formed private online groups to stay in touch. We began to share motherhood experiences in addition to fertility stories and we also started to get to know one another on a much more intimate level. I can tell you personality quirks about these women whom I have never met. I can tell you who is sensitive, who is quirky, sarcastic, nurturing, passionate, etc… We continued to share stories of life, motherhood, marriage, accomplishments and disappointments. We became friends.
And these were not just online, surface type of friendships. These are real, true, genuinely care about you kind of friends. I am eternally grateful that my infertility struggle led me to them, the silver lining in an otherwise awful experience. It is unlikely that I will get to meet all of these dear friends. We are scattered all across the country, from Panama to Colorado. From Massachusetts to Iowa. But, I love watching their children grow up with mine, even if it is primarily through Facebook. I smile when I see their photos of family outings and realize that I knew these women as they became mothers. I know that I can always text or email them and they will be there for me.
I have had the chance to meet a hand full of these women over the years. I have gotten to see their children smile and know first hand what their mamas endured in their desire to have them. Wrapping my arms around the necks of my friends, has only reinforced the certainty that I have in these friendships. Even though, we are meeting for the first time, conversation quickly picks up with familiarity and affection, as if we have known each other forever. It amazes me every time, the ease I immediately feel in their presence.
These women have become part of who I am and I can say with 100% confidence that they are my friends. Not just online, but in my heart.
Love you!