Gender Based Marketing and Our Children

The other day, my 3-year-old son was looking at a Chick-Fil-A kid’s meal bag that was in the car.  (I do not wish to discuss how long it has been in my car.)  On the outside of the bag, there was a cow dressed as a princess and one dressed as a knight or a cowboy or something like that (I don’t know…I was driving).  My son exclaimed, “Look Mama!  The princess needs to be saved, and the knight is going to use his sword and he is going to save her!”

My right eye started twitching a little bit.

Me: “Do you think maybe the princess could be saving the knight?”
Him: “No way. She needs to be saved, and he’s going to use his sword.”
Me: “What if she used his sword to save him instead?”
Him: “NO MAMA, HE’S SAVING THE PRINCESS!”

My left eye starting twitching too.

My son is the classic example of what you think of when you hear the word “boy.”  He climbs and yells and throws things and loves to fight the bad guys with swords and shoots and ninja moves.  Trains are his second-favorite thing after Ninja Turtles.  He’s just a boisterous, crazy mess of a child that I love dearly.  Though I have always made sure to allow him to be who he is and play with what he wants to play with, he has naturally always gravitated toward things with wheels and things that fight from a very young age.  I find it absolutely fascinating that I gave him baby dolls for his second birthday and he’s never touched them.  But, my friends’ little girls absolutely love expressing their nurturing side with them!  It is so funny to watch Milo play with our little 2-year-old friend Audrey.  He recruits her to be a ninja turtle with him and she gladly agrees, but first she has to put the baby doll to bed!

Even though children do have their natural tendencies, whatever they may be, I have come to notice that marketing to little ones based on their gender is really starting to influence my innocent 3-year-old.  I began to notice a few months ago when he began to shout “I WANT THAT” to toy commercials, but would hesitate when it was a commercial with all girls spouting jewelry and playdoh ice cream kits (both of which he would enjoy).  Then…the holiday Target toy catalog came in the mail.  When we opened it, I immediately noticed that all “girl” toy pages had backgrounds of pink and purple squares, all “boy” toy pages had dark blue and light blue squares, and any electronic toys that could be “neutral” had green squares.  Three perfectly separated sections so your boy or girl could conveniently find the section they are supposed to look at.  When Milo quickly passed the pink and purple section, it was then that I realized that gender-biased marketing (and of course other influences of social norms) had seeped into my little one’s brain without me even knowing it.  And this realization has only gotten more profound as the marketing of toys and kids’ products has ramped up for the holiday season.

So how can we influence our kids when marketing is subtly (and not-so-subtly) telling our kids how they should behave?  Here are some tips:

1. Avoid advertisements in print and on television.  Yes, this seems impossible.  Yes, this takes specific effort on your part.  No, you can’t avoid it ALL.  But reducing your child’s exposure to marketing will reduce the amount of gender-biased stereotypes you will have to contend with.  Fast-forward through commercials if you can and throw away those toy ads that come in the newspaper.
2. Be aware of how marketing affects YOU.  Avoid the “toys for boys” and “toys for girls” lists on every store’s website start looking at children’s materials for what they are…just toys

   

   that can be played with by anyone and everyone.  One of my personal pet peeves is how there are “girl versions” of “boy toys.”  Don’t even get me started on how much I despise Lego Friends, which are supposed to be “Legos for girls.”

3. When you can’t avoid gender-based marketing, use those experiences as teachable moments.  The next time that Lalaloopsy charm-pooping doll commercial comes on, ask your child why they think there aren’t any boys in it.  For older kids, you can talk openly and honestly about gender stereotypes and how silly they can be.
4. If your child ends up absorbing some of those gender stereotypes like my son has, avoid telling them they are wrong, or that they shouldn’t think that way.  Instead, ask critical-thinking questions and make plans for further conversation and activities that will expose them to new ways of thinking.  You can definitely challenge their views, but do so in a way that invites them to learn something new.  For example:
   Girl: “He can’t play with my dolls because he’s a boy.”
   Adult: “Well, let’s do an experiment and see if he can play with them.  Hmm, see that?  He’s feeding the doll her bottle just like you do.  What do you think of that?”
5. Throw away all of your classic Disney movies, like Cinderella and Snow White and Sleeping Beauty.  You can keep Beauty and the Beast though.  Okay, not really, but DO provide balance for your kids.  Make sure your kids are exposed to stories of strong, smart, and sensitive in both genders.  It’s totally cool if your daughter’s obsession is Disney princesses and your son’s is Ninja Turtles, because most kids will naturally be attracted to certain types of play.  But knowing that the human experience is so much more than “acting like” a boy or a girl comes about through balance.

For my sweet Milo, we will be going to the library to check out copies of books like The Paper Bag Princess, Cinder Edna, My Princess Boy, Rosie Revere the Engineer, and other books that challenge typical boy/girl stereotypes.  (I do have to point out, though, that there are a lot of strong princesses books out there and not so many books about boys who embody traits generally categorized as feminine.)  And the next time we see that Chick-Fil-A bag in the car (because, you know, it’s still in there), I’m really going to throw him for a loop when I suggest that maybe the cow knight could be a girl and the princess cow could be a boy.